I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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