the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
