I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
