I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
