i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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