I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
