There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
