Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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