You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
