Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm always down for nudity.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
