Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
