you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
