Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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