; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
