Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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