Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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