Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
