do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
