Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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