Got a toothbrush?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
