What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
