I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
