Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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