get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You made out with two different species that night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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