this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Randomize
