We're like a lot better than the average bears
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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