Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
