She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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