don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
