Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
