It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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