ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
