omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
