I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
