so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
