your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I want a musical about memes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
