I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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