I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
