dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
