Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
