a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
