Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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