Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
