if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
