you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
