When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
