I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
