No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
