i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
