Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He did a backflip because drugs
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