Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
