there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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