Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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