Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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