Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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