I'm gonna have a badass scar
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
