My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
