first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
