I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You're like the curious george of whores
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
